I Am Who I Am

Now that I'm on a roll.....

I never realized what Raving, maniacal bigots I was raised with, nor how many are/were actually in my family or neighborhood...

Growing up I never heard racial slurs, condemnation of others for beliefs, lifestyles, living conditions, skin color, religions... Nothing, Zero, Zilch: Not A Word.....

I was not taught to be an asshole or two-faced. I was, however, taught to be honest & truthful (which many people consider to be assholic), and can be amplified when psychic...

No one said anything when I had a friend in a wheelchair, a black friend, Latino friends, catholic or Jewish friends..... Not one damn word.....

Then I got older, I moved to L.A. and I became aware, very aware of prejudice bullshit.... Not so much in my family (but there was) but around me....

I still really didn't care what people thought, but when people would bring it home and try to press their bullshit on me, I'd open my mouth & spew.... Um I still do.....

I see color, religion, body, relationship and sometimes I wonder what life is life like for that person... Do they suffer, is it difficult.....

I didn't know my father was prejudice until I was into my 40's? I knew he hated all the males I dated, but hey (isn't that the norm).... I ignored that b.s. & never brought any around to meet him....

I found out when I moved to L.A. & had gay friends that my sibling was a bigot & a hater (among other things) but being a "christian" made it worse than ever... as if believing all is going to be "forgiven" by jesus gives an open season license to be an actively loud asshole about it

I never was really aware that my sibling had much more freedom than I ever had, as I am older than sib is and wasn't around him so much.....

Here is where I also got a surprise: when my parents asked me: "What the hell is wrong with your sibling?"

So, I gave it some thought, and I weighed the evidence of the differences in how we were raised and what I was allowed to do & not do in contrast to the sibling.

Then they vehemently denied the fact that they raised us with two completely different set of standards, and those different rules/standards were what contributed to what was the hell was (is) wrong with him (and them).

Now, I am not saying I had it hard, because I know & I admit that I didn't...

I'm glad I was raised to be an independent, strong, responsible, caring, honest, ethical, semi-moral (hey, I did some shit, but I own it) adult...

I'm glad that I was raised to value education and not to rely on others to take care of me or do my work for me....

I'm glad I was raised to help others with no expectation of pay-back, to believe in equality for all people...

I'm happy and more than grateful to be me......

Ayup, I can be bigoted. I abhor: Stupid (actively ignorant) People (although stoopid people don't know they're stoopid); people who use their religion to harm, harass, demean, & condemn others just because they are "different" or don't believe the same way; people who have but refuse to share or help others unless there is something in it for them (including a tax-write off); people who waste food; LIARS; megalomaniacs (people who thrive on POWER & Control); Envious people (you know that's a psychological illness); abusers; killers for sport......

I have a good life, I worked hard, I know who I am...

I know I did what I've done.... some things I regret, the times I've hurt others out of stupidity & meanness..... But those I've gone after for the benefit of others..... Not a chance.

I most always follow my conscience as I know I'll have to answer to Creator & I have to answer to & live with myself.

I'm here to learn & to teach.

I'm here to discover & share beauty.

I'm here to help keep this Unci Maka green & alive.

I'm here to be of service, which is what I do best and what makes me the happiest.