THIS WEEK'S COLUMN:
(First posted on Nshima.com)
"NO FAMILY REUNION FOR OBAMA AND CHENEY"
Web Column
Nothing has stunned me more this year than the news that
presidential candidate Barack Obama and Vice President Dick
Cheney are related. It's almost like hearing that Paris
Hilton has decided to become a missionary. Or that she knows
how to spell "missionary."
Obama is a Democrat, a die-hard liberal, while Cheney is a
Republican, conservative to the core. But they do have some
things in common. For example: two eyes, a nose and a mouth.
The same number of limbs, too.
When it comes to buttering their bread, they're both
conservative. When it comes to buttering their staff,
they're both liberal.
Cheney has been known to hunt ducks. Obama has been known to
duck hunts. Cheney has a reputation for stuffing his mouth.
Obama has a reputation for mouthing stuff.
But even with such similarities, no one ever suspected that
the two leaders were related. It was Cheney's wife, Lynn,
who discovered that they have a common ancestor while
researching her memoir. She broke the news to her husband
gently, moments after he revived her.
Dick: "Lynn, what's wrong? Why did you faint?"
Lynn: "I just found out something about your past."
Dick (turning pale): "What is it, honey? Is it something I
can have expunged?"
Lynn: "No, Dick, this can't be erased. You have a common
ancestor with someone you don't particularly like."
Dick (turning even paler): "Who is it, honey? Clinton?
Kennedy? Bin Laden?"
Lynn: "No, Barack Obama."
Dick: "Phew! What a relief. It's only Broke Bama."
Lynn: "It's BARACK OBAMA, dear. He's your relative now,
so you'd better learn how to pronounce his name."
Obama and Cheney are apparently eighth cousins, with a
common ancestor who lived in the 17th century. While Obama's
mother was American, his father was Kenyan, which means that
there are a lot of people in Kenya who are now related to
Cheney. And not many of them are happy about that, as a
newspaper reporter found.
Reporter: "How do you feel about being related to Dick
Cheney?"
George Obama (Barack's cousin): "I don't like it. He is the
white sheep in the family."
Reporter: "Don't you mean 'black sheep'?"
George: "No, we use the term 'white sheep' in Kenya."
It's not clear whether Obama's relationship to Cheney will
be a liability in the presidential race. Hillary Clinton,
who's running against Obama for the Democratic nomination,
says she will not remind voters that Obama is related to
Cheney, as long as he does not remind voters that she is
related to Bill.
Another candidate, John Edwards, says he isn't concerned
about the relationship at all. "I don't think it should be
an issue in the presidential campaign," he said. "I happen
to like Barack Cheney. I mean, Obama."
Cheney is not running for political office in 2008, but even
he's feeling the strain of being related to someone of a
different political stripe. "Dick doesn't have a liberal
bone in his body," an anonymous friend said. "But a few
years ago, he discovered that his daughter is a lesbian and
now he's found out that one of his cousins is a liberal. Is
it any wonder that the man keeps having heart attacks?"
----------------------------------------------------------
(c) Copyright 2007 Melvin Durai. All Rights Reserved.
MelvinDurai.com
(First posted on Nshima.com)
"NO FAMILY REUNION FOR OBAMA AND CHENEY"
Web Column
Nothing has stunned me more this year than the news that
presidential candidate Barack Obama and Vice President Dick
Cheney are related. It's almost like hearing that Paris
Hilton has decided to become a missionary. Or that she knows
how to spell "missionary."
Obama is a Democrat, a die-hard liberal, while Cheney is a
Republican, conservative to the core. But they do have some
things in common. For example: two eyes, a nose and a mouth.
The same number of limbs, too.
When it comes to buttering their bread, they're both
conservative. When it comes to buttering their staff,
they're both liberal.
Cheney has been known to hunt ducks. Obama has been known to
duck hunts. Cheney has a reputation for stuffing his mouth.
Obama has a reputation for mouthing stuff.
But even with such similarities, no one ever suspected that
the two leaders were related. It was Cheney's wife, Lynn,
who discovered that they have a common ancestor while
researching her memoir. She broke the news to her husband
gently, moments after he revived her.
Dick: "Lynn, what's wrong? Why did you faint?"
Lynn: "I just found out something about your past."
Dick (turning pale): "What is it, honey? Is it something I
can have expunged?"
Lynn: "No, Dick, this can't be erased. You have a common
ancestor with someone you don't particularly like."
Dick (turning even paler): "Who is it, honey? Clinton?
Kennedy? Bin Laden?"
Lynn: "No, Barack Obama."
Dick: "Phew! What a relief. It's only Broke Bama."
Lynn: "It's BARACK OBAMA, dear. He's your relative now,
so you'd better learn how to pronounce his name."
Obama and Cheney are apparently eighth cousins, with a
common ancestor who lived in the 17th century. While Obama's
mother was American, his father was Kenyan, which means that
there are a lot of people in Kenya who are now related to
Cheney. And not many of them are happy about that, as a
newspaper reporter found.
Reporter: "How do you feel about being related to Dick
Cheney?"
George Obama (Barack's cousin): "I don't like it. He is the
white sheep in the family."
Reporter: "Don't you mean 'black sheep'?"
George: "No, we use the term 'white sheep' in Kenya."
It's not clear whether Obama's relationship to Cheney will
be a liability in the presidential race. Hillary Clinton,
who's running against Obama for the Democratic nomination,
says she will not remind voters that Obama is related to
Cheney, as long as he does not remind voters that she is
related to Bill.
Another candidate, John Edwards, says he isn't concerned
about the relationship at all. "I don't think it should be
an issue in the presidential campaign," he said. "I happen
to like Barack Cheney. I mean, Obama."
Cheney is not running for political office in 2008, but even
he's feeling the strain of being related to someone of a
different political stripe. "Dick doesn't have a liberal
bone in his body," an anonymous friend said. "But a few
years ago, he discovered that his daughter is a lesbian and
now he's found out that one of his cousins is a liberal. Is
it any wonder that the man keeps having heart attacks?"
----------------------------------------------------------
(c) Copyright 2007 Melvin Durai. All Rights Reserved.
MelvinDurai.com
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